Knowing Our Worth in Relationships

I still remember the hollow look in my husband’s eyes. He was choosing his addiction over me — over our family. And I had two choices. I could turn my eyes away from what I knew was harmful and keep my husband and my home. Or I could say no at the risk of losing everything in front of me.

I chose to say no. And while I did lose almost everything that made me feel safe in my world, I gained more in that moment than I would come to realize fully for almost a decade.

It wasn’t until God showed me how valuable I was that I began to see it wasn’t up to me to convince someone else of my worth. Instead, I needed to release that to God, with healthy boundaries in place, and give them the opportunity to know it for themselves.

This has been a long process. And I am still learning. But I’ve found this to be a core belief in myself that needed to change so that I could begin living less afraid and more loved. The work is slow because the work is deep. Maybe for you, too.

If we know our own worth from the One who created us to be worthy and to be honored, we will accept nothing less than for that knowledge to be played out in our close relationships. That knowledge should be both expressed in words and shown in actions.

To be harmed in words and through actions by the person who is supposed to be loving us can place a cloud of shame over us that warps our view of ourselves in that relationship. We can no longer see the truth of our value past the dark cloak of the enemy’s lies about us. So we stay in the relationship as it is, often believing we have no choice.

But we do.

Knowing our worth means we stop giving ourselves away in exchange for nothing. We no longer accept less because we know we are worth more. And we no longer have to be afraid as our key verse says.

So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. Matthew 10:31 (NIV)

A time will come when we must say no more without giving fear the final say. This is how false beliefs are shattered and strongholds are broken. Doing so says something to ourselves about ourselves, giving us the courage to believe the truth and a better understanding of who we truly are in Christ.

I recently watched a movie called Joy Luck Club which showed a young woman in a marriage with a man who consistently devalued her. She both resented and accepted this reality because she did not truly know her own worth and value within the relationship, and so she was afraid to require more and risk his leaving her.

These are the words her mother said to her that I will never forget–

Losing him does not matter. It is yourself who will be found.

To believe and to act according to this truth takes courage. And true courage comes from a place of security and intimacy with our Savior. There is no other way to it or through it. When we believe our needs are forever met in Him, we can let go of all which we once believed would fill us.

So let this be our encouragement today in our relationships—

May we remember to whom we belong. That He has what we need to live loved. And He will give it to us if we ask Him to.

-For a related recent post, see https://brokennessbeautygrace.com/created-to-be-worthy/