Trusting God in the Not Knowing

I’m a girl who likes to know her next step, and the one after that, and so on. But what happens when what we think we need to know conflicts with our trusting God in the unknown?  

Knowing makes us feel safe, gives us courage to step forward instead of shrinking back, and makes the next step less scary. But what if God is asking us to step forward in the not knowing? What if he doesn’t want to answer that prayer or that question just yet so that instead, we must trust in his good plan for us rather than in an expected outcome?  

What if he’s waiting for us to let go of our need to know and walk into a life of adventure? 

Adventure isn’t a scary word in itself, but when you look at it from the perspective of what one must be willing to sacrifice and risk in order to step into real adventure– well then it has a whole new twist to it.  Maybe God is asking each of us to step into a real adventure with him.  But we can’t do that by dipping our toes in the water and pulling them out again quickly, though we may do that at first.  We must stick our feet all the way in and begin walking deeper and deeper into the water, not knowing exactly where it might take us.

“You will show me the path of life;
In Your presence is fullness of joy;
At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” Psalm 16:11 (NKJV)

I have a close friendship with a man from my past who, about two years ago, came back into my life unexpectedly.  He and I went to both middle school and high school together, but didn’t really know one another until the second semester of our senior year. 

When we graduated, I never saw him again.  Not for 30 years. 

We both have similar stories of relationships that disappointed and abandoned us into a life of single parenting.  And with that history, comes a brokenness and a mutual understanding of it.  I have never been closer to anyone in my life, and yet, there is a not knowing what the future of this relationship will be which makes me hesitant because I don’t want to step into something I don’t know the ending to– or in this case, if it will end.

When I ask God about this, he tells me to trust him– and not only that, but to trust that he is all I need.

I wonder how often we think we need things that are only clutter, which keep us from seeing clearly what we really needed all along.  

I wonder how much our need for intimacy and connection in the immediate world around us blinds us to the intimate connection of our Savior.  Could it be that what we are so desperately searching for and are so afraid of losing has been here all along from the moment we said yes to Jesus?  And if that’s true, then why are we not seeing and experiencing it to its full measure?  Why do we still feel so alone? 

Why are we still searching?

I sit here writing this to you, not knowing the complete answer.  And likely I never will this side of heaven.  But maybe that’s the beauty of not knowing. The simple truth that we don’t have to.  With the not knowing comes a sweet sort of grace that covers us in our weakness.  A resignation that doesn’t give up, but that rests instead– and trusts more.  Maybe we don’t have to understand, so much as realize that he does.

After all—isn’t that what we’re really looking for?  A safe place to be exactly where we are? A place where we have permission not to have it all figured out or even know exactly where we’re going?

A place to call home.

I don’t know if you feel the same weariness I do in trying to stay one step ahead of the unknown.  Or in trying to secure for myself the things I think will make me safe, secure, and feeling right about this life I’m living. But in case you are, may I encourage you by telling you that you are not alone?

Not only is he with you in this.  I am, too.

And I’m thinking… that just maybe in the not knowing together, we can begin to experience a more intimate connection, not only with our Savior—

But with each other, too.