I gripped the cooling cup of coffee in my hand and cried. Please, God, please. Help me to understand. Give me your wisdom. I need it desperately. I cannot think differently. I cannot stop feeling afraid. I want to feel safe … not just know in my head that I am. I don’t want to be alone in this. Oh, God, I need you. Help me. Help me to rest in you. Help me to trust. Give me your peace.
I don’t need to tell you what I was afraid of, or for how long, or why.
I only need to tell you this —
God met me there. In that desperate place. And he told me it would be okay. He would be with me. He would cover my past with his grace. My present with his presence. And my future with his protection.
He gave me his peace. And there is nothing like it in all this world.
I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Psalm 34:4, NIV
But what does this mean?
My fear in exchange for his blessing of rest. How can I refuse? I can feel afraid … and still say yes, can’t I? I can do this much. And it is enough.
Beloved daughter of God, what is it that frightens you? What is it that keeps you stuck in shame and isolation? What are you waiting on to change before you can feel safe enough to trust and embrace his peace for you?
You can tell him all of it. You can come out of hiding and share your secret. He knows already – and he loves you the same.
Sometimes, when we’re most afraid of stepping out or moving forward, it’s the very thing which is the antidote. And that can be the scariest thought of all.
But there is One who knows the innermost workings of your heart and mind. One who made you and gets you – and knows what you need even more than you do. And so — can he not be trusted to bring you through safely to the other side?
I believe this much. And it is enough.
How about you?
God, I feel afraid and a little lost when I consider this very scary thing in front of me. But I know you’re here because you promised me you would be. And you don’t lie. You are good. And you love me. So I’m stepping out and believing you once and for all. I will do this knowing that no matter what happens, you will hold me tightly in your everlasting arms. You will be my peace … amen.
